The Little Spoken Truth About ADD and ADHD

I found this post on Twitter and thought I would share it because it really hits home for me. Having ADHD or ADD can be extremely difficult. It’s so much more than being inattentive and hyperactive. It can make you feel as though you can’t do anything right because things just don’t click the same for us. If it does finally click, which can be a big if, it’s at a very different pace than most other people and our perception might still be a bit off.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn is how to understand social cues and body language. These two things, which are essential to have an effective social interaction, can be really hard for us to pick up on. Social interactions with others — parents, siblings, teachers, friends, co-workers, spouses/partners — are often filled with misunderstanding and miscommunication and often times we don’t understand how a situation has turned out the way it has. We are also very unobservant and aren’t always aware of the world around us.

To interact effectively with others, an individual must be attentive, responsible and able to control impulsive behaviors…. Unfortunately those with ADHD are often inattentive, forgetful, and typically lack impulse control. These can be some really off putting traits when interacting with a person. People often perceive these behaviors and the individual who commits them as rude, self-centered, irresponsible, lazy, ill-mannered, and a host of other negative personality attributes. However, that does not mean that those with ADHD are any of these things. We mean well and try our best but even that doesn’t seem enough sometimes.

Honestly, we wish we could pay attention and remember what you were saying but it’s as if things are going in one ear and right out the other. It’s not that we don’t care about you, your life, or what’s going on – we do truly care. It just doesn’t register right with us. No matter how hard you rack your brain for some tidbit you know you’ve been told a million times – or even something you’ve just finished discussing – it can seem to disappear right out of our brains. Maybe all these thoughts are just hidden in some prison of our minds, all I know is that we can’t always access the information we should know or actively hear.

Hyper focusing on an individual thing is also an ADHD trait. Personally I know I hyper focus on social situations because I know I miss social cues a lot and I still don’t get it right. I won’t understand that you aren’t as interested in whatever thing I’ve decided to go off on a tangent about. I won’t pick up on you not liking me (unless you’ve made it glaringly obvious) or if you’re truly my friend or not. To me, everyone is my friend until it’s been made very obvious that you don’t want to be my friend (social cues man, why don’t I get you?)

I think what I hate the most is my memory. I hate that I can’t remember significant dates like birthdays or anniversaries. I hate that I can’t remember most of the intense/emotional/important talks I’ve had with my family and friends. I really hate that my little brother remembers more of my childhood than I can. I hate that my lack of memory hurts people and makes them feel like I don’t care about them or their lives. It’s gut wrenching and I can’t do anything about it.

ADHD isn’t just not being able to sit still. It’s a lot things. It’s all the highs and the lows. It’s the fear of being rejected because you know you work differently than others. It’s that little voice in the back of your head asking you if you’re doing this right, why can’t I do things like other people do, do people think differently of me, and then still somehow acting impulsively. It’s also the constant fear of people being upset with you. It’s over analyzing each and every thing you do and still not getting it right. It’s laying in bed at night with a billion thoughts pinging around your head keeping you up all night. It’s starting a story and forgetting what you were saying halfway through or all of sudden ending up halfway through a completely different story. It’s saying one thing while your brain is already onto three completely different things…

However, it’s not all bad. ADHD is also breaking the normal status quo. It’s being accepting of others because you don’t really see a difference between everyone (maybe missing those social cues isn’t always so bad.) It’s finding that one thing you’re really good at and excelling (but also having a billion other interests). It’s having a different outlook on life and being creative and innovative. It’s pushing past setbacks, adapting new strategies, and moving forward better than ever.

We pick ourselves up off the ground when we fall and smile through the tears. It’s the desire to please those you care about and the unadulterated joy you feel when you make others happy. It’s doing things because you’re really passionate about them. It’s approaching new people and trying new things because you are outgoing and jump right into things. It’s our willingness to take risks and try something new. It’s learning who you are and accepting all the oddities, quirks, and yes – even the faults. You’ve got to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly. My ADHD has had many many drawbacks, but it’s also made me who I am. It’s taught me to look on the bright side and persevere. I’ve learned to enjoy life even when it’s not all rainbows and sunshine.

For those I’ve hurt unintentionally in my life, know that I would never intentionally hurt you. Know that I do care about you and your life and all the things you do. Please just have some patience with me. I try my hardest to be and do the best I can, but that’s all I can do.